What Could I Have Done to Right the Wrongs That I Did Towards You?
by flowerpower71
Summary: Thor reflects on the falling of his younger brother and the reality of the situation hits him full force. Takes place right after the end of the first Thor movie but before the Avengers. Also contains an OC and a lot of angst.


**This is just a little something that popped into my mind the other day when I was watching the Thor movie. As much as I like the movie, it always annoyed me that they never showed just how badly Thor was affected after Loki fell from the Bifrost. (Aside from him screaming, "NOOOOO!" I mean.)**

 **Also, this isn't exactly recquired, but it might be helpful if you read my other story "It all Started with a Snake" first, before reading this because this explains who Sigyn is and why she's in this story. :P**

 **Anyway, I hope you enjoy this.**

 **Thor belongs to Marvel**

 **Sigyn belongs to me**

 **Enjoy :3**

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The sun was beginning to set, casting brilliant hues of pinks, oranges, purples and reds across the Asguardian skies. The kingdom itself seemed to glow in the fading light, standing mighty and tall and proud. Soft music drifted through the air and the smell of food accompanied it. Laughter filled the air and heroic stories of the recent battle that took place just the day before. Yes, it was a glorious time for the Asguardians. A time of victory, fellowship and celebration.

None of that meant a single thing to Thor.

The eldest son of Odin had left the party long ago. The guests by now were all to drunk to notice or care about his absence. He strode down the long empty hallway, the music and smell of food and alcohol slowly fading away as he got farther and farther away from the party. Normally Thor would be joining in on the fun. He laugh with his friends and feast on the finest meats. He'd dance to the music and converse with the beautiful women. Any other time but tonight he would be right there in the party room with everyone.

But tonight, tonight was different. Tonight Thor did not feel like celebrating. At the rate he felt, he felt like he'd never be able to fully enjoy a celebration again.

The blond god turned a corner, his thudding footsteps echoing as he came down the hall of the bed chambers where the royal family slept. Slowly, his footsteps stopped all together as he came to a certain room. A room he had not been in in many a year, even when it's occupant still lived in it.

Loki's room.

Thor just stood there for the longest time. Just staring at the door. He didn't want to go in. If he didn't go in, he wouldn't have to face the truth. If he did not go in, he could just pretend. Pretend that his little brother was behind that door. Pretend that the younger prince was sitting at his desk with his nose buried in a book. Pretend he was behind that door practicing his magic. Pretend that he was asleep, safe and sound and snug in his bed as he should be. Thor just wanted to pretend and not accept the reality of what he knew was behind that door.

Life is cruel that way, isn't it?

With a shaky breath and even shakier hands, he reached forward and clutched the golden doorknob. With every ounce of courage he had, he made himself turn the knob.

It was not too late. If he let go right now and walk away, nothing would happen. He wouldn't have to see.

He pushed the door open.

The light from the halls streamed into the bedroom. The large king sized bed sat in the center of the room, covered by silk emerald colored sheets and bedding with gold lining the edges. Off to the side was a velvet covered window seat that looked out to the view of Asguard. On the left wall was a large, floor-to-ceiling, oak book case filled to the brim with books, upon books, upon even more books. The desk was across from it. Every paper and scroll and quill pen on said desk arranged neatly and in piles. A large wardrobe took up the majority of the right side of the wall and a full length mirror hung on the wall across from it.

Everything in the room had been left untouched until today.

With his legs feeling as if they turned to lead, Thor forced himself to move forward and slowly entered the room. He looked around the pristine bedroom. Memories came flooding back. Memories of when they were children. Of when they were closer.

He remembered when how when his little brother was terrorized by nightmares, instead of going to their parents for comfort, little Loki would come to Thor instead. He'd climb into bed and would cling to Thor until his fears calmed and the two would fall asleep hugging each other. Never moving from their positions until the sun had risen and a new day began.

He remembered the very first time Loki had learned his very first magic trick. Oh how his green eyes shone with pride as he finally accomplished the trick. Thor remembered cheering for his brother and then tackling the boy in a hug. He was so proud.

He remembered when they were a bit older and had gone exploring and met Sigyn. He remembered how Loki had tripped and knocked into the female child, knocking them both into the pond. That was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

He remembered when he and Loki were older and were no longer children but were instead teenagers, and they were chased by an angry Bigelsnipe. Thor had gotten it in his head to try to capture one of beasts. Loki had advised against it but was drug along anyway. The two were chased and would have been mauled to death had Odin not been alerted by Heimdal and came to their rescue.

A small, small smile pulled at his lips as he remembered all those things he did with his brother.

But then, the memories changed and Thor felt his smile fall.

He remembered how he had blown off spending time with Loki to go on misadventures with the Warriors Three, instead.

He remembered multiple times when Loki was talking about something exciting to him, be it magic or a new book. It wasn't something he wasn't interested in so he tuned the younger male out. He remembered the look on his brothers face when he realized Thor wasn't listening.

He remembered the times when they would wrestle, both as children and teens. Thor was stronger and usually had the upperhand but he also didn't know when to stop. He remembered the bruises he had accidentally given his brother because of this.

He remembered all the fights they had gotten into. Every hurtful word he ever spoke towards the younger prince.

Thor cringed and shook his head as a final memory entered his mind. A memory he hated the most out of all of them but this memory was fresh so unfortunately, it was the most clear and most painful of them all.

 _"I could have done it, Father! I could have done it! For you! For all of us."_

As long as he lived, Thor would never, ever forget the look in Loki's eyes that moment. The look of wanting to belong. The look of desperation and panic.

And worst of all, the look of hopelessness.

He saw light dim from those green eyes and Thor's stomach twisted in knots again as the horrible memory came back and played in his mind full force.

The light dimmed from Loki's eyes.

He was tired.

He had given up.

And then he let go.

Down, down, down he floated, tossing and turning becoming smaller and smaller until he finally disappeared in the swirling vortex.

And just like that, he was gone.

Thor gasped and jumped back knocking into the wardrobe causing it to wobble. His whole body broke out in a hot flash and he struggled to keep his knees from giving out. He felt sick and swallowed to keep the night dinner and drink in his stomach and he gasped for breath again, struggling to breath as the reality of what happened the day before finally hit him ffull force.

Loki was gone.

His little brother.

His companion.

His friend.

He was gone.

Forever.

As Thor struggled through his panic attack, his head lulled to the side and he caught his reflection in the mirror. He stared at himself for several minutes. He looked like hell and felt like it too.

As Thor continued to stare though, something happened. His breathing slowed and his legs found their strength again. The overwhelming feelings he had been feeling were gone but now were replaced with something else.

Rage.

Thor grit his teeth and stormed over to the mirror. His sky blue eyes had darkened and were flaming with hatred, fury and rage as he stared at himself.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

The mirror shattered and millions of pieces of glass flew everywhere. Thor was vaguely aware of the pain that shot through his knuckles but he didn't care. He left the mirror and instead took his anger out on the desk, flipping it over sending papers and scrolls flying. The ink jar tumbled to the ground and stained the carpet. He then grabbed the desk chair and as hard as he could, she slammed it against the wall, breaking it with ease. He raged and screamed and cursed and yelled and destroyed anything and everything he could get his hands on.

With one last might swing of his fist, the wood for the wardrobe shattered and toppled over. Thor stood there. His body heaving as he breathed heavily and looked around the room, looking for something else to destroy.

Broken furniture pieces and papers and books and glass were everywhere. Not a single thing remained unbroken. The once clean room was a disaster zone now. Thor slowly stopped heaving and his stomach fell as he realized what he had done. He'd destroyed the last bit of evidence that his brother had been there The last bit of evidence showing that there indeed had been a second son of Odin. The last bit of evidence of the fallen prince.

And for what? It didn't bring Loki back. Nothing could.

The lightening god looked down at his hands. Blood oozed from his palms, knuckles and fingers. Little bits of glass and splinters sticking out here and there and whatever part wasn't bleeding was covered with black and blue bruises.

Tears filled his eyes and Thor's legs finally gave up and he fell to his knees with a thud. His body shook and his vision became blurry as his blue eyes filled with the tears he had been fighting back for so long.

"Thor?"

The voice was soft, hesitant. Almost afraid to speak for fear of setting off the god into another violent frenzy. Thor slowly turned his head and blinked his eyes to clear his vision and saw Sigyn in the doorway, her own eyes red and swollen from her own crying.

"He's...He's gone." Thor croaked, his voice shaking and raspy. "He's gone..."

Fresh tears filled Sigyn's eyes and she walked into the destroyed room of her former childhood friend. She fell to her knees in front of Thor and she felt her heart break all over again seeing the look of pain, guilt and regret on his face. Without a word she wrapped her skinny arms around his neck as best she could and buried her face in his shoulder. Sigyn felt Thor's large, muscly arms engulf her small fram and felt his scratchy bear on her scalp as he buried his face in her long orange colored locks. His body began to quake and the god reached his breaking point and wept.

"He's. gone...He's gone! He's gone! He's gone! He's gone and its all my fault!"

"Thor, no." Sigyn whimpered, her voice shaky from her own crying. She pulled out of the hug and looked at him. "Please my friend, you mustn't blame yourself."

"It's the truth!" he bellowed. "It's all my fault! I-If only I had been kinder to him! If only I had realized sooner how I had been treating him! If only I had held onto him on the Bifrost! If only I had grabbed him when he let go! If only I hadn't convinced him and the others to go to Joutenheim none of this would have happened! Loki would still be here if it wasn't for me!"

Sigyn remained quiet for the longest time, giving her childhood friend time to calm himself. She blinked her silver eyes and two tears rolled down her pale cheeks. She took a shaky breath.

"What's done, is done Thor. Blaming yourself like this isn't going to bring Loki back." she paused and swallowed, trying hard to keep herself together. "I don't know if any of this could have been prevented. I pleaded and begged for Loki to stop what he was doing but he wouldn't listen to anything me or anyone else would say." She wiped her eyed with the back of her hand and sniffed.

The room fell into silence. The atmosphere heavy with greif. After a few moments Sigyn silently placed one of his hands into her lap and began to pick out the glass and splinters. Once theyr were all out, she closed her eyes and her hand began to glow a faint shade of yellow. She held Thor's injured hand in both of hers and the cuts and scrapes began to heal themselves.

"...He said he was always trying to get out from under my shadow." Thor quietly said, watching his friend work her healing magic. "I never knew he felt that way."

"He never wanted you to know." Sigyn responded. "What was the use in complaining? He just strived to get some attention from you and Odin." She let go of Thor's now completely healed hand and then took his other one and began the healing magic process again. "Loki told me once that he felt that me and Frigga we're the only ones who ever truly cared about him." she looked down ashamed and squeezed Thor's hand a little bit tighter. "At the time, I just brushed it off as him being overdramatic...only now do I realize just how true those words were and how he really felt..."

The two remained in silence for a long while after that. Both of them lost in their own thoughts. Thoughts of guilt for not noticing the princes cries for help, love and attention. Thoughts of what ifs and should have dones. Thoughts that this is how it is going to be from now on. Their trio down to two.

Oh what they wouldn't give just to see Loki one last time. What they wouldn't do to just turn back the clock and prevent any of this from happening.

But they couldn't. Loki was gone forever and there was nothing either of them could do to change that.

Sigyn was the first ti break out of her trance and she sighed heavily. She rose to her feet, grabbed Thor's hands ad pulled him to his feet. "Come, Its late."

Thor just merely nodded and silently followed her out of Loki's room. He paused, casting one last glance at the destroyed, fallen prince's bedroom and then turned away.

A few moments later they reached Thor's room. Sigyn entered looking like she was on autopilot and went to Thor's bed. She pulled back the covers and Thor walked over, collapsing in a sitting position on the edge of the bed.

"Goodnight Thor." Sigyn whispered and turned to go.

"Sigyn, wait."

The goddess stopped as a big hand suddenly clamed itself around her wrist. She looked back and Thor was looking up at her with sad, tired pleading eyes.

"Sigyn...please...just...stay with me tonight."

Despite her greif, despite her sorrow and despite the complete and utter exhaustion she felt, Sigyn couldn't fight the small blush that formed on her cheeks. "I beg your pardon?"

Thor's grip on her wrist tightened ever so slightly in desperation. He never looked so broken and defeated like this before, ever and it hurt Sigyn to see him like this. "Please...I don't want to be alone."

Sigyn hesitated. What would the people say if someone caught them in bed together? Rumors would surely fly and give everyone the wrong idea.

But as she looked into those sad, blue eyes of her friend, she couldn't do it. How could she turn away when all he was asking was for some comfort? Someone who understood what he was going through. He didn't want to be alone with the nightmares and the memories and the guilt.

And honestly, neither did Sigyn. She needed the comfort as well.

Misery loves company, after all.

"Alright." She whispered.

Thor gently squeezed her wrist, letting her know he was grateful and then let go. He climbed into the middle of the bed and laid down and Sigyn crawling in after. They held each other close and Thor kept silent as he felt Sigyn's tears drip into his skin

At long last, sleep finally came to them, but right before it did and took Thor away, the god had turned and looked out the window. One final thought entered his mind before he slipped away.

 _Im sorry Loki._

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 **I hope you guys enjoyed this. I had so much fun writing it (even if I did break my own feels in the process. Haha)**

 **Please favorite, review, and follow. Have a good day/afternoon/night wherever you are!**

 **Thank you for reading. :)**


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